A seasons interlude
round and round we go
“Some people say history moves in a spiral, not the line we have come to expect. We travel through time in a circular trajectory, our distance increasing from an epicenter only to return again, one circle removed.
Lan, through her stories, was also traveling in a spiral.”
Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous
The time springs forward and days are stretched out past 7pm. Ugh, allergies. Some are storing away winter coats. Flowers bloom. I wither. Historically, it always does in this exact part of each revolution.
I was sick most of February, and I couldn’t get myself to write. I couldn’t get myself to do anything other than rot actually. I lag behind my reading goal. I lose my study rhythm. I keep getting stuck in old memories of this and that. I keep thinking This time last year; this time two years ago… The spiral of time is freckled with memories. Was it a navy blue or black coat you wore? The memory changes each time it is remembered. Maybe that’s why I try not to revisit ours to preserve them. Things don’t last forever, yes, but that doesn’t take away the dislocation when a new season comes. Despite it all, I keep going. Sometimes Time is forgiving and has grace. Something is always already happening anyway.
Reading
Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous
Listening
My late night piano playlist lol
Thinking
I attended a First-Time Homebuyer seminar this past weekend and well… I should’ve bought a house a couple of years ago, dammit. Financial literacy is so important but not important enough when you’re 23-24 years old I guess lol. The important thing is I Know Better Now (I’ve been saying that a lot these days). There’s never a perfect time for anything— do it now!
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind… thank you to Ari’s new album (chef’s kiss). If you had the opportunity to get your memory completely wiped, would you do it? If so, what would you wipe off? Maybe a who?
Normalize forgetting lol (The Boy and the Heron)
The Boy and the Heron, 2023
Where do you keep your best days?
The “forever” time period where everything seemed blissfully infinite. Have you experienced this? If so, when?
Forever is when you have the height and width of a miniature person with the density of an alpha-person. Forever is when you’re a human cartoon with every vein and skin cell as exaggerated as Minnie Mouse’s gloves. Forever is when you experience all kinds of things for the first time, as do your hormones, which will never again be this crazed, never again experience things as either so bleak or so Technicolor. Forever is when your brain is still developing, so everything sticks, like a lot. Forever is when you have tunnel vision because you (I) have not yet understood that you (I) are not the center of the world, so you (I) grant yourself permission to see things as though you (I) are (am). I don’t recommend it as a lifestyle, but there’s something to be said for having this much time to just think about you, what you like, what you believe in, how you feel.
Orange peels
Take care always friends and readers.
Warmly,
Heaven